All is purple. 

An expression showcasing the sensitivity of our bubbles’; their malleability and susceptibility to everything around; how easily they burst in the hustle and bustle of life, to the extend that we forget that we have the right to feel, experience and express everything to the fullest, even our emotions of joy, pain, love, strangeness ..etc; muddled between the intuitive abilities to love and to create versus the taught ways of loving and creating. All this develops a hidden self in us that often comes out abruptly; and in those times we are unable to understand why we reacted in the way we did or what exactly happened and why, in the way it did. 

Confusion between the mystical self, the subconscious self, the world we live in and the world beyond. A sense of feeling lost, strange and loved. All at the same time.

Feedback:

Being in school gave me an environment to delve into my subconscious and be with it; understand it and give it time to understand it self.

-Why ? -What? -How?. Before butoh, I had been involved in different dance/movement forms. Usually my practice of dance came through disconnecting myself from my subconscious and just focusing on what I am here to do. Just concentrating on how I can do ‘ it’ in the most perfect way or in the best way possible and then give that particular movement a part of myself, express a part of me or put a part of me  ( maybe coming out of my subconscious) in it. But, here the beauty is that everything comes out of my subconscious. Most importantly, it is allowed to come out from the subconscious. And this practice of going deeper into the subconscious self revealed to me- a different sense of self, a hidden self- a self that, maybe,  I hide from others or feel uncomfortable showing.  A sense of oneness toward -how I be, what I be,  how I create, what I create. Oneness between subconscious and conscious, perhaps. I realized that, here, I can really put it all out there. 

At first, it was very hard for me, too heavy; things I was used to staying away from were now right there, on my face, all the time. My illusions, dreams, memories…etc. I had to be with them and carry them with me to create, to dance, instead of disconnecting myself from them; to be able to do so. Slowly, I realized that this practice was showing me many different things and deepening my understanding of self,  of my relationships, my life and forcing me to face a lot of things that I wouldn’t want to face earlier or would just evade. 

In the creation process, I danced my pain, something that I realized that I had not been able to express completely; maybe because I was not given the space to do so.  Or maybe, I just chose not to do so. At first, I tried to run away from it, but realized that till I don’t dance it or put it in my creation I will not be able to surpass it. It has/had become a lingering part of my memory, my subconscious self; always haunting me, even though it does not exist anymore. Having danced it repeatedly I feel clearer. I feel that now I can create beyond my pain. I feel I needed to dance it to get over it. I feel more ready to create beyond… Just maybe.