| Mille Plateaux 77 Gorka | |
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-About myself @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@Gorka What could I say about myself? Rather than expressing through movement? In these four months I have experienced so many qualia, countless. Many views I used to share about everything dissolved in so many aspects. Leaving empty space for new resonance to appear. Sensitivity increased , less bound by daily mind. In an experiential level I understood what is the meaning of exploration of the self, to see the edges and limits, which before I was just ignoring their existence. Now I huge need to be sincere with myself arises. Try to become friend with my inner enemies, all those mental attitudes which don't allow me to resonate freely with the world. The capacity of creativity increased, which before was completely chaotic , after this time in the school I found so many ways to research and put them together in a way that can be given to others. I met three very important key points that can be applied to any form of creation: 1- One movement always follow the last one. By being connected to each movement (body, sound visual, any) I can easily follow in sentences of different length, when the flow becomes free it is possible to keep on going for long time forming inner music from beginning to end. 2- The air is full of floating tendencies. This is a very good friend. To feel or visualize streams of energy moving in all dimensions, being possible to follow in a random way, as a way to improvise and research. 3- The most extense one is the possibility of mixing channels up in a natural flow. It is new for me to bring into consciousness the idea that image can be automatically transformed into sound or movement, or sound into movement or emotion into sound. Now I see that it doesn't exist such a thing that movement because of movement, or any channel isolated from the rest, but they are interacting, resonating all the time in different dimensions. So, in willingness to move different channels can be open guiding this worrying talking daily mind toward somewhere where time and space have another perspective, feeling lost in abyss of resonating tendencies, where everything is possible, because there is no limit of repressing controlling sense of self. Even if there are points which I cannot cross yet. I had to face countless times my ego. One of my biggest tendencies was to fight against ego. My ego and the egos of others. Now I see that it is possible to dance all the qualia that are uncomfortable for us in order to move free in the world. All the traumas, vulnerabilities, insecurities, shame, fears, we can dance all that, and still make space for all those event of life who need to use our body to express themselves. During the age from I was 10 to 14, for familiar situation I had to survive by myself without any support. That brought lots psychological traumas which make my dance so hard and intense, felling inside anger, frustration, killing instinct, animal sexual instinct, repression, blame, and so on. In this time in the school I felt all that coming into consciousness, and finding distance to be able to dance without risk, but making me feel free from all that. I know that the research is just starting, there are so many worlds that I am not able to dance yet, but I fell strong enough to face all what comes up into perception and allow life dance trough this body. About the teaching: It is great to realize how so many complicated experiences, thought , concepts , qualia, possibilities are put into a method that can be easily understood.. I can say that before coming to school my capacity of movement was null, none. And in four months I have learn more about myself than I had seen before. A bunch of new resonating ideas about the world , life, came into place, how to transform any event of life into body movement, sound expression , visual channeling etc. I could say that many times I was fighting against the habit of the teacher, but never against the teaching. I t is so deep that I can only say thanks for researching something that comes to me through direct experience from the teacher. I also wanted to share that in my case audio channel is the easiest way to shift to subbody mode, and in the school I find poor the work we have done in this area. I will keep on researching a way that can be given to other and share it with lee. I feel that we should spend more time to explore each individual channel, make stronger guided conditioning everyday to not let us remain in daily thinking mind mode, and only teaching theory after strong conditioning, so the info can come through the resonance with the body and not through the filters of daily mind. The first two months of school were much stronger for me, and as far as I know to others,, because we made lot of conditioning and research , but when the teaching started to become mental understanding of the process, all the students felt resistance feeling edges against the teaching. But I can also see that all the process was necessary for creation. The midwife could polish the balance between teaching mind method and let people research in the subconscious without limit, pushing to the limit into the field of subbody mode, rather than pushing to the limit into the field of theory and technique. I liked the idea of cobody research , but I have to say that in four months of daily work cobody rarely worked, maybe of the constant guidance through instructions, we come into the feeling of " I'm doing right or wrong" huge limit for creation. That is the reason I did not use cobody in my piece, it normally feels to me like daily theater, and Ifm not dancing from subbody mode but from acting mode. I fell that the creation of my piece is a first necessary process to walk into this path, with the purpose of becoming empty, to be able to resonate with all forms of life, beyond the simple sense of self. For some reason the feeling of releasing came to me after dancing the final integration of all the research, even if I was not able to dance the 1% of my edges. I could see that is the effect of exposing ourselves to maximum. This is an amazing liberating teaching. About the teacher: After the buddha found a way to resonate with life, he needed to create structure that can be easily understood by others. So he spent seven weeks walking around nature, using his thinking capacity to put in order that liberating experience. In the way back to Sarnath he met a Sadhu who could see his brightness and they had a conversation. -!you look so bright, light! What did you experience? buddha --- !I became great master!, I'm the one who came to earth to liberate all beings from suffering! I'm the one! Sadhhu said: nice, ok bye, turn back and left. Even buddha had some issues so solve with his ego. After spending the rest of his life teaching (45 years) and his teaching being spread in the world, we are still suffering and identifying life with self. Thousands of people spend long years with him to learn, and very few could actually get it. That's why so many sect from a non sectarian teaching. Misunderstanding. Lee: What do you expect to happen in four months? Life resonance doesn't seem to be something easy to share. Nevertheless all what you gave us in this short period of time can help us to keep on researching for the rest of our life. The feeling of sadness, frustration as a teacher came together with the visit of Sayaka.I wander if those two events have any connection. I appreciate fully the fact that you remain aside from the personal life of students, avoiding like this the mixing up realities of mind, ego, worries, fear and the liberating experience of subbody. I can also say that my life story and personality, hardness and life approach have lots of similarities with yours. So through looking at you I can feel many of my attitudes amplified to extreme. I also want to say that the possibility of using the space 24 hrs a day helped me to feel this school as my home, without feeling any hesitation for the abusing of the space, material, attention, etc. Thanks for this generosity. I hope I can apply that great quality to my life without any limit.. Once last year, a palm reader told me something that was my biggest issue in the field of creation. He said: "You have great capacity of creativity, Channeling life expression. but your head is too chaotic. you cannot give it to the world yet. You need to find a way that allows you to create structure in which you still find space and feel free to channelize" I was researching without any success. Now with the method that you gave to me I feel able to express all that chaos in a form and infinite possibilities, and also research endlessly. Thanks a lot! About the others: Normally I judge a lot, but spending long time with others I can understand that it has no sense, so they are reflection and so complex being we are, that fixing ideas about others doesn't seem to be real. They are great! |
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